Birth Order And You

1 WHY BIRTH ORDER MATTERS 1 a. The family context 3 1. Circumstantial differences 4 2. Emotional differences 4 3. The external world 5 b. Family identity 6 c. Sibling distinctiveness 6 d. Sex 7 e. How siblings react to each other 8 f. Ongoing effects of birth order 12 g. Purpose of this book 14 h. Using the information 15 2 HOW BIRTH ORDER AFFECTS RELATIONSHIPS 18 a. Your spouse 19 b. Your friends 22 iii c. Your parents 23 1. The effect of birth order — theirs and yours 24 2. Learning to relate to the opposite sex 26 d. Your children 27 e. Your adult siblings 30 f. People at work 31 3 FINDING THE DESCRIPTION OF YOUR SEX AND BIRTH ORDER POSITION 34 a. Circumstances of birth 35 1. Order of birth 35 2. Sex 36 3. Number of years between siblings 36 4. Sex of the siblings 37 5. Birth order of the same-sex parent 38 b. Being aware of birth order 39 4 OLDER AND WISER: OLDEST CHILDREN IN GENERAL 41 a. General characteristics 42 b. As a spouse 53 c. As a parent 53 d. As a friend 54 e. At work 54 f. To the parents of an oldest child 55 g. To the adult oldest child 56 5 OLDEST SISTERS 58 a. Oldest sister of sisters 58 1. General characteristics 58 2. As a spouse 62 3. As a parent 64 iv Birth order and you 4. As a friend 65 5. At work 67 6. To the parents of an oldest sister of sisters 67 7. To the adult oldest sister of sisters 67 b. Oldest sister of brothers 68 1. General characteristics 68 2. As a spouse 70 3. As a parent 72 4. As a friend 72 5. At work 73 6. To the parents of an oldest sister of brothers 73 7. To the adult oldest sister of brothers 73 c. Oldest sister of brother and sisters 74 6 OLDEST BROTHERS 76 a. Oldest brother of brothers 76 1. General characteristics 76 2. As a spouse 79 3. As a parent 81 4. As a friend 82 5. At work 82 6. To the parents of an oldest brother of brothers 83 7. To the adult oldest brother of brothers 84 b. Oldest brother of sisters 84 1. General characteristics 84 2. As a spouse 87 3. As a parent 88 4. As a friend 88 5. At work 89 6. To the parents of an oldest brother of sisters 89 Contents v 7. To the adult oldest brother of sisters 89 c. Oldest brother of brothers and sisters 90 7 OH, YOU BEAUTIFUL BABY: YOUNGEST CHILDREN IN GENERAL 92 a. General characteristics 92 b. As a spouse 96 c. As a parent 97 d. As a friend 98 e. At work 99 f. To the parents of a youngest child 102 g. To the adult youngest child 103 8 YOUNGEST SISTERS 105 a. Youngest sister of sisters 105 1. General characteristics 105 2. As a spouse 109 3. As a parent 110 4. As a friend 111 5. At work 112 6. To the parents of a youngest sister of sisters 112 7. To the adult youngest sister of sisters 113 b. Youngest sister of brothers 113 1. General characteristics 113 2. As a spouse 114 3. As a parent 116 4. As a friend 117 5. At work 117 6. To the parents of a youngest sister of brothers 118 7. To the adult youngest sister of brothers 118 vi Birth order and you c. Youngest sister of sisters and brothers 118 9 YOUNGEST BROTHERS 120 a. Youngest brother of brothers 120 1. General characteristics 120 2. As a spouse 124 3. As a parent 125 4. As a friend 125 5. At work 126 6. To the parents of a youngest brother of brothers 128 7. To the adult youngest brother of brothers 128 b. Youngest brother of sisters 128 1. General characteristics 128 2. As a spouse 130 3. As a parent 132 4. As a friend 133 5. At work 133 6. To the parents of a youngest brother of sisters 134 7. To the adult youngest brother of sisters 134 c. Youngest brother of brothers and sisters 134 10 BETWIXT AND BETWEEN: MIDDLE CHILDREN 137 a. General characteristics 137 b. As a spouse 149 c. As a parent 150 d. As a friend 150 e. At work 151 f. To the parents of a middle child 152 g. To the adult middle child 152 Contents vii 11 ONE OF A KIND: ONLY CHILDREN IN GENERAL 153 a. General characteristics 153 b. As a spouse 160 c. As a parent 162 d. As a friend 162 e. At work 164 f. To the parents of an only child 164 12 THE MALE ONLY CHILD 166 a. General characteristics 166 b. As a spouse 168 c. As a parent 170 d. As a friend 170 e. At work 171 f. To the parents of a male only child 172 g. To the adult male only child 172 13 THE FEMALE ONLY CHILD 174 a. General characteristics 174 b. As a spouse 177 c. As a parent 178 d. As a friend 179 e. At work 180 f. To the parents of a female only child 181 g. To the adult female only child 181 14 TWO PEAS IN A POD: TWINS 182 a. Physiology of twinship 183 b. Reaction of parents 184 viii Birth order and you c. The twins’ birth order characteristics 187 d. Personality development 188 e. The closeness of twins 189 f. Special challenges for twins 192 g. To the parents of twins 194 15 EXCEPTIONS AND VARIATIONS: FACTORS THAT ALTER THE USUAL TRAITS OF BIRTH ORDER AND SEX 196 a. Loss of parents in childhood 197 1. Death of a parent 199 2. Divorce 201 b. Remarriage 202 c. Death of a sibling 206 d. Death of other family members 209 e. Adoption 210 f. Disabilities 211 g. Anxiety in the family 212 h. Large families 216 16 PARENTING YOUR CHILDREN OF DIFFERENT BIRTH ORDERS 217 a. Dealing with jealousy 218 b. Discouraging competitiveness 220 c. Accepting the differences among your children 221 d. Don’t assign roles 224 e. Providing equal opportunities 227 f. Don’t treat them identically 228 Contents ix g. Parenting out of your own birth order 230 h. Divorced parents 232 i. Your children are not your siblings 233 17 SIBLINGS AS A PSYCHOLOGICAL RESOURCE 235 WORKSHEET 244 APPENDIX — BASIS OF RESEARCH 251 BIBLIOGRAPHY 255 a. Psychology 255 b. Autobiographies and biographies 257 x Birth